Ghrankenstein's Top Ten Retro Videogaming Moments

Ghrankenstein's Top Ten Retro Videogaming Moments

IGN (http://www.ign.com/) recently posted its Top 100 Video Game Moments of all time. It's a great read, with tons of video footage to back up their exceptionally debate-worthy arguments.
As part of that debate, I have several of my own alternatives, since my own top 100 can only have so many Zelda / Final Fantasy plot twists, really pretty backgrounds, and thumb-numbing marathon boss fights.

To make my list different, and because many of you are from the post-retro gaming age and could stand to learn a thing or two about how it used to be, I'm using only elements from the pre-1990 gaming experience.

Credits 01Ready!

10: Looking through a "Viewfinder."

Game: Battlezone

http://www.richieknucklez.com/product_images/b/562/DSC02085__76225_zoom.JPG

There was no way to more thoroughly immerse yourself in your video game in 1981. Dull black and white pixels were suddenly blue and underwatery. You understood how a real submarine commander would have felt when the submarine commander's mom threatened to leave if they didn't get over there right now. On the downside, it was a technology that was pretty much limited to submarine games and tank games. You had no way to scope out the game before actually trying it, and there was no way for a crowd to gather to see your mad skills. If you saw a BATTLEZONE game right now, you'd pour so much money into it you'd expect a degree.


9: Sitting down.

Example: Pole Position (oof!)

http://www.moneymachines.com/polepositionsitdown.jpg

You were way too close to adulthood to ride the little coin-operated horsey right outside the front door. This, this was a big kid's ride. Everybody knows, real drivers sit down, and real men are willing to pay 50 cents instead of a quarter to do so.

8: Posthumous Rank: Garbage Scow Captain

Game: Star Raiders

http://youtu.be/3_VDM8nC9sM

The Atari 2600 was not designed for genius of this level: space navigation, map strategy, dogfighting and reverse-dogfighting against enemies with different strengths and weaknesses, fuel consumption, and damage control. Your "score" was a military rank rather than points, and if you really sucked, they demoted you at your funeral. "Captain" wouldn't have been so bad, but they wouldn't have explained what a "Scow" was, and you wouldn't have had the nerve to ask. So it all worked out.

7: Kicking Elves

Game: Golden Axe

http://youtu.be/0gOKT5KHsuI

There was so much to love about Golden Axe, from the screams of death to the rideable dragons, and head-conking. Your magic technology predated mana. You had to collect potions, and the only way you could get them was by pounding on the chuckling little elves that occasionally scurried around. After that, you drank your way to victory.

6: The Saurkraut Tastes Terrible!

Game: Castle Wolfenstein

http://youtu.be/3uTBVapjyYA

I remember the original Castle Wolfenstein, only it was on an amber monitor and not like this. What I specifically remember is that you frequently encountered saurkraut, which could be good or terrible, and schnapps, which made you hiccup. But it was a game where you could fight, sneak, and investigate back in 1981, and it wasn't limited to being text only. Chances are, if you played it, you loaded it from a cassette, and that in itself is awesome. This playthrough is the closest thing I could find.

5: Nailing the Syreen

Game: Star Control 2 (The Ur-Quan Masters)

http://youtu.be/PHYkNrDYZgo

Star Control 2 was from 1992. So sue me. It was so far ahead of its time it's not even funny. It's open-source now, so you have no excuse to live without playing it. It was a brilliant early excercise in open-world gaming with amusing and endearing characters. Here is where we first saw the dialogue menu, and choice-influenced plotlines. One such plotline could get you laid.

4: Four Person Co-Op

Example: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

http://www.pinballzarcade.com/wp-content/uploads/wpsc/product_images/teenate_mutant_ninja_turtles_video.jpg

You had two choices, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and The Simpsons. You couldn't lose. This wasn't just a game; if you had a friend who could drive and twenty bucks in change it was an evening to remember with exactly three of your closest friends. There would be a bit of strife over who got to be Donatello, but after that teamwork and communication never came faster to anyone in their lives. You didn't just beat Beebop and Rock Steady. You did it together. Excelsior.

3: Jumping on Alligators

Game: Pitfall!

http://youtu.be/IYlwJ8FCe1o

Not even Indiana Jones could do this, but in Pitfall, you could. A pool of exactly three alligators was the ultimate threat, but with your mad skills you could not only pass that obstacle, you could dance across the heads of death. Or stand on them if you played your cards just right. Riding on turtles that could dive at a moment's notice in Frogger was way harder, but these were alligators.

2: Knowing the Pattern

Game: Pac-Man

http://youtu.be/brVsGL4cPzE

I remember when the first Pac-Man game arrived in Springfield. It was at Battlefield Lanes, and I remember pushing and leaning around a crowd of people four deep just to get a glimpse. For those of you who still don't get it, this game was Donkey Kong BEFORE Donkey Kong. If you were a stud, you couldn't just be good at Pac-Man. You had to have it memorized, and you had to know the names of the patterns that you'd studied and practiced so hard.

1: Shooting Through Your Shield:

Game: Space Invaders

http://youtu.be/b3dL18fSBck

The '80's was the golden age of standup video games, and Space Invaders was the game that started it all. Space Invaders took video games beyond more-or-less having a point, where you might play a dot or a line. You were some kind of moving-around gun turret and you fought layers of differently shaped space beings. You had the tactical advantage of big disposable shield bunkers to protect you from the descending hail of enemy... um... lasers and squiggly lasers. Younger kids gasped when you had the audacity to actually shoot into your own shield bunker until your efforts revealed a neatly edged firing channel through which you could destroy your enemies in slowly-eroding relative safety. You were the god of left, right, and shooting.